this entry was originally posted to r/clementineiscool.
hi all here's me and my Bastard son melvin. ibpaint my nails 💅 red for the first time im not a nail painter but hey what do you think?
anyway here's a story about my life in Recent days. the other day when i went to spoons 2 do my job application for something i really care about to work somewhere special. i had like a week to do the application but i just procrastinate until this is the final night of the deadline. and i open my laptop to the application and i just wanna scream scream scream. so i decide to just not do it and instead fill out a bunch of stuff on indeed instead, like the really easy ones where u basically just send ur cv. atleast that way i felt like i was still doing something. i didnt even read the descriptions i just apply to anything that says "retail assintant" like 10 times lol.
so then yesterday i get 2 emails of companies say they love my cv wanna interview me. like YAYY!! some good news finally?? then in loke wait these company names are so fucking weird what even is this so i google them and the first result i see is people on reddit being like DONT!! WORK!! HERE!! it is a pyramid scheme, a mlm (stands for men loving men i think so i dont see how thats relevant) and its just commission work no wage and u have 2 sell people stuff. Ugh. sounds horrible what a let down i am the least suited person to sellint my soul in such a way. then later these companies PHONE me as well and they're nice women say hi ur cv is amazing girl we wanna interview okay??? and one of the lady is Scottish and wow i wanna be her friend i want her to be my sister yes i will work for you... JUST KIDDING!!! eww. what a let down!
that whole thing is really hilarious like of course this would happen to me but it also leaves a really sour taste in my mouth. it has been such a hard time these past few months, ive been in such a rut. after i lost my job something happened that really knocked the wind out of me. maybe ill talk about it here one day, i dont know. im on the very non linear road of healing but i often cant help but think and mourn what my life might be like now if it had never happened? I'm not sure. i really hate the position im in right now and the things i have to do to get by. like im not in a terrible place, rent and food is accounted 4 and i have benefits but ugh i just want to press fast forward a few months on the whole ordeal.
i suppose i am for the time being a sickly sort of woman, my doctor himself confirmed it when he wrote me a sick note for the next month meaning i don't have to immediately worry about job searching obligations etc and just focus on healing and resting. but im not so sure how to do that. im bad at switching off and resting. i like to keep busy and keep going crazy sometimes. hopefully ill find a. balance.
i know that god or other in her infinite wisdom put me on this earth to be chronically unemployable but please just let me proove myself please i could be so good i did one job last year and i whinged and complain so much but no one can say i didnt do the work.!
but hopefully this isn't forever. , no, i know its not. has anyone ever been in a similar position to me? if so, what helped you, if you feel like Sharing? thanks for reading :)